I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm like, not good at living.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
