She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
