At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
