I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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