Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize