I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
