Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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