I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
