would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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