Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Randomize
