I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
