Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
