why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
