She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
