I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I didn't notice because vodka
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
