How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
