so that wasnt chicken after all
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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