Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
