Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
