the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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