I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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