mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
