he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
