I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
