Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Randomize
