I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
