okay pat passed out under dana's car
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i came on her dog
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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