she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Dignity is for republicans.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
not ubering you a puppy
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
