the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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