you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
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