please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
i need some magic done to my vagina
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
