if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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