Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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