My girlfriend figured out who you are.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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