Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
