Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
