hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize