Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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