if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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