you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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