Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Your penis caused this!
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
