I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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