maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
