The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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