Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize