Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
