Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
you inspire me to be a worse person
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
