I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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