Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
that is very illegal...i love you.
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