Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Randomize
