guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
