How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
