i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
