Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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