I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
