How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
