the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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