Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize