He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
