I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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