please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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