i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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