Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
We just shotgunned beers for America
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
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