i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
What a dumb baby whore.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
