Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
