The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
