i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
