She went from zero to smokin in five shots
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
