Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
