508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
