She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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