i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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