need another drink. this is the easiest way
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
