Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
is wine microwaveable?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize