When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
