He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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