trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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