there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
