maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
