i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
