Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
