just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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