So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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