I'd wear matching sweaters with you
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
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