Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
