Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
