he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
