Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
