dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
