I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
