I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
