I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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